I hug my knees closer to my chest, protecting myself from the evening chill. The rusty garden chair protests under me as I shift my weight. In the background I hear the muffled beat of the music coming from the house, voices shouting over it. “Don’t you ever wonder if there’s more to life than this?”, I ask. I look to my side, where he is gazing thoughtfully at the sunset, slowly blowing out smoke from the cigarette dangling in his right hand. The bright orange light of the sky is reflected in his black eyes, making it look as if they glow. He takes so long to reply that I start to wonder if he even heard me at all. But then his low, raspy voice answers “of course. Sometimes I get hit with the realization how ridiculous all of this is. Life, I mean.” His eyes quickly flicker towards me when he says this. He gestures to the other end of the garden, towards the sounds that seem to fade more and more into the background the more intensely I focus on his voice. “It all seems so useless, so stupid. But then something great happens that makes me forget how meaningless it all is. I don’t know if that means that in those moments, I found the meaning of life. All I know is that it makes me feel grateful that I am alive.” He says it with such finality that I wonder if I should ask him, but the bottle of red wine standing on the ground next to me gives me a sense of fearlessness I can usually only dream of. “What kind of moments are those?”, I whisper. He shifts his focus from me to the sky above us again, a faint smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. I know what he’s going to say before he says it, but my heart still jumps when I hear the words. “Maybe we’re in one right now.” The smoke circles from his mouth, creating a mesmerizing pattern against the burning orange background. I watch it fade.